


All In The Family

by fall_into_life, grassyhyuuga



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bisexual Harry, Crack, Gen, Humor, at least long enough to fuck with ron, really everyone is a little bit bi in this one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-25
Updated: 2015-09-25
Packaged: 2018-04-23 08:55:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4870840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fall_into_life/pseuds/fall_into_life, https://archiveofourown.org/users/grassyhyuuga/pseuds/grassyhyuuga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry's had just about enough of Ron being an ass about Harry's sexuality.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All In The Family

**Author's Note:**

> unapologetically inspired by [this](http://drarry-queen.tumblr.com/post/114814052415/dizpotter-sasstronauuut) tumblr post

"It's good you didn't end up with a bloke, though, Harry," Ron says with the air of someone revealing a great secret. He reaches for seconds of the Christmas feast Molly has prepared. "Poofters are awful, really. No offense."

Harry barely notices his hand tightening on his fork. He tenses, curling in on himself like a serpent ready to strike. Bad enough he had to hear this from Ron during his fourth year and that crush on Cedric - which, God, could that year have ended any worse? - but now? When he's engaged to Ginny and obviously not going to be seeing any blokes any time soon?

Ginny presses her thigh against his, and across the table Fleur gives him a sympathetic look. He knows she had to go through something similar, when she'd mentioned her sister's girlfriend off-hand and Ron had sputtered his way through something offensive. Fleur, though, could be catty at Ron about it and no one would say anything. Harry was stuck eternally trying to make his best friend be less of an ass sometimes.

Harry's eyes move sideways to Bill, who gives him a small smile, and inspiration strikes.

"You know, Ron," Harry leans over, and says in a lowered voice that nonetheless carries across the table, "I'm in love with Ginny, but Bill... he's pretty fit, you know?"

Ron's head snaps to Harry, eyes wide and betrayed. He gapes, mouth working open and shut, then turns to Bill. Who winks.

Ron screams.

"What's wrong?" Arthur asks from down the table, where the elder Weasleys managed to miss the whole exchange.

When Ron can't come up with anything besides spluttering and half-words, Harry takes over.

"Oh, nothing, Mr. Weasley," he says casually, taking another bite of his potatoes, "just telling Ron that Ginny wasn't the only Weasley I might have ended up dating."

Ginny, who is stuffing her hand in her mouth to stop from laughing, has no comment. Fleur across the table, and the twins one place down, look like they have all too many comments they'd like to make.

Another scream from Ron, who throws his hands up and yells, "you can't take all my siblings, Harry!"

"Don't worry, you can keep Percy," Harry says without missing a beat.

Ginny loses the fight against laughter, and Arthur's poker face starts to go grey around the edges from the strain of keeping it going.

"Although..." Harry amends, eyeing the older man from where he sits next to his father.

"Honestly, Harry, you're hardly my type," Percy huffs, and Harry can't tell if he's playing along or just being himself. "I much prefer taller men."

Ron shoves himself backward from the table so hard his chair gets stuck on the carpet, yanking the whole table back a few inches. "Dad?!" He moans, miserable.

"I think it's nice," Arthur says mildly, chest shaking in restrained laughter.

Ron storms off, and the table dissolves into howling laughter.

[*]

In the morning, Harry shows to breakfast wearing a maroon sweater with a large 'F' on it, hair tousled. They get through the first round of coffee and tea before Ron notices.

"Harry... why do you have Fred's sweater on?" Ron asks, hand slowly falling away from his mouth.

Harry looks down as if he has no idea what he's wearing, then shrugs. "I just put on whatever was on the floor, I guess."

"You what?!" Ron turns to the twins, who smirk, then to Ginny, who looks completely unconcerned. "Ginny, aren't you going to say something? Doesn't this bother you?"

Ginny picks up the paper and flips to the Quidditch section, reaching over to take a sip of Harry's coffee. "It's okay, Ron, he's keeping it in the family."

For the second time in as many days, Ron makes an undignified exit.

[*]

When Harry appears at lunch the next day wearing Charlie's sweater, Ron goes to his mother.

"Mum, you've got to make them stop," he begs, hands spread wide, "this is crazy!"

Molly gives him a disapproving look, supervising the dishes as they wash themselves. "You really should have been better about Harry's sexuality, dear. Your brother Percy has been fussing for years about telling you himself, and you've made it very stressful for him to ever bring a boyfriend home."

Ron stares. "Mum... Percy was just joking. He doesn't like blokes."

The look Molly gives him says quite clearly, _'when was the last time you heard Percy make a joke?'_.

With a strangled cry, Ron vanishes from the kitchen.

[*]

The day before everyone is due to start leaving, Ron shows up at the table with a squared jaw and a familiar face in tow.

"Ron, why is Seamus Finnegan here?" Ginny asks, raising an eyebrow.

"He's gonna help me out with something," Ron says, swallowing hard. He takes a deep breath, reaches out to grab Seamus by the shoulders, and kisses him square on the mouth.

The rest of the table breaks into cheers and catcalls from most of the Weasleys - Arthur shakes his head in amusement, Molly huffs and rolls her eyes - as Ron holds the kiss with a screwed up face and obviously-held breath.

"There!" Ron declares, breaking the kiss with a dramatic head toss. "Now we're all bloody poofters!"

"Language, Ron!" Molly scolds, with only about half her usual heat in it.

"Sorry, Mum," Ron says, face still red with defiance.

There's a moment of awkward silence. Then Arthur says, "you might as well stay for dinner, Seamus, you're practically family now."

The boy grins and takes the proferred seat. Dinner commences, with occasional smirks or snickers in Ron's direction.

"I guess I shouldn't tell him about Luna in fourth year, should I?" Ginny asks Harry conversationally over dessert.

Ron whimpers.


End file.
